Back in Honduras for less than a week annndd. well. lots of feelings. So I have arranged a little update centering on the theme that has seemed to define my transition back: freedom.
After more than 5 weeks back in the States, I have become accustomed to a very normal and worldly and luxurous habit of freedom. In the USA, I can go where I please. I can speak and completely understand the English language. I can go running without worrying for my safety. I can sleep in…, things I am struggling to re-adapt to back in Honduras.
I miss going for long runs with my favorite songs blaring from my earbuds and a ridiculous grin on my sweaty face.
I miss teasing Amy and lauging with my friends.
I miss eating yogurt and driving and familiar things like Target and stop signs that are just part of going where I like.
And so, with these feelings of not having what I like and what I’m used to, it kind of feels like I’ve lost independence and freedom all over again.
Now it’s routine prayer. early wake ups. my little annoying friends The Ants returning with warm weather. feeling dumb when I stare at someone who’s simply asked me if I’ve see the blue cell phone, because the meaning of the word “azul” just didn’t come to me. running is only a thing at 5am if I can find people to come with me because it’s not prudent to go alone. etc.
Life has limits. There are restrictions. Everyone faces restraints of this type of “freedom” (libertad). The new parents with a baby preventing them to sleep in EVER. Jobs. Limited quantites of money to travel and buy all the things we would like. Bodies that don’t always and with problems we can’t always solve.
So is the pursuit of freedom just an attempt to circumvent those natural human limits? To be free FROM things we dislike?
The lovely Pope John Paul II reminds us that according to a Christian worldview “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.”
WHAT? So basically obedience. Freedom TO act a certain way. Well that is a little confusing I tend to associate freedom with the FEELING of doing what I like. Then how to remember that I am not defined by what i FEEL and EXPERIENCE?
It’s okay to feel things I do not like, but I don’t have to act according to how I feel. Shoutout to the parentals for raising me with the phrase “fake it ’til you make it.” It’s really a good idea. And it really coincides quite well with JPII’s definition of freedom too.
Also, God wants us to be truly free! and we can only find la VERDADERA LIBERTAD (true freedom) in Him.
Saint Paul writes in 2 Cor 3:17 that “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” and Paul had more than his fair share of affliction, emprisonment, and hardship. We cannot find total and true freedom apart from our purpose and Creator, because it is a gift and a grace reserved for only those who would desire it.
True freedom is a peace that allows us to act as though we are beloved (because we are!) even when the circumstances around us couldn’t be worse. So I’m learning.
Quick caveat: Lest I leave you with the impression that life in Honduras is full of suffering and challenges, I must clarify with gusto that it ISN’T.
At this very moment, I’m sharing a lovely afternoon with my roomie Maggie while Jose is going about his day outside belting out some dramatic song in Spanish. Nick made muffins for breakfast today. I have clean laundry. I shed tears with Karen in the kitchen over a needed heart-to-heart. My room was surprise painted a gorgeous aqua
color during the Christmas break. I still get to do yoga every day. Hondurans are hilarious and incredible.– life is very beautiful and blessed here.
A final salute to my friends and family- Thank you for your support in so many ways! I thank you for your prayers and can say that you are all most definitely in mine. May God show you the true freedom that cannot be snatched away by anything. May He bless and keep you!
xoxo adios! -Kate